Posted on: 03:47 Tue, 24 Dec 2013
1) “You are a widow… go and die”

Oh dear! Edo state governor,
Comrade Adams Oshiomhole became
this year’s face of insensitivity when
he was recorded on video, yelling at
a poor widow displaying her wares
illegally by the roadside to go and
die. He later had tea with his victim
and rewarded her generously but
still, that image lingers.

2) “We do not pray for accidents but it
is inevitable… we do everything to
ensure that we do not have accidents,
but it is an act of God.”

Stella Oduah, Aviation minister
addressing journalists 3 days after
16 people lost their lives in the
Associated airlines crash that was
ferrying the remains of Olusegun
Agagu, a former aviation minister. Of
course, as it turned out, God had
nothing to do with this particular
crash as the Accident Investigation
Bureau revealed that a
malfunctioning engine and a wrong
call by the pilot was most likely the
cause.

3) “I cannot categorically tell you one
now… the one we are going to make
use of is going to be made known by
my oga at the top…”

Mr Obafaiye Shem, former Lagos
state commandant of the National
Security and Civil Defence Corps was
asked a simple straight forward
question by the hosts of Channels
tv’s daily breakfast show. “What is
the website of the NSCDC?” It
became his undoing as he went on a
rambling routine that did not
produce the answer to the question
but succeeded in shedding light on
the pathetic state of affairs of our
public institutions.

4) “Yes, Patience Jonathan is my
Jesus Christ!”

Now this would be funny if it wasn’t
so sad. And true. Evans Bipi of the
Rivers state house of assembly was
speaking from the bottom of his
heart when he declared dame
Patience Jonathan (aka mama
Peace) his deity as she was
responsible for his political career so
far.

5) “As the president, I don’t know him
(Abu Shekau) and don’t know if he is
dead or alive; you journalists will know
more than us. You are the ones who
talk to Boko Haram.”

In a presidential media chat,
Goodluck Ebele Jonathan
pronounced the words never to be
spoken by a country’s chief security
officer. In denying the whereabouts
(and maybe existence) of Abu
Shekau, Boko Haram’s point man,
Mr. President took the war on terror
10 steps back.

6) “Come, sit on my laps and I will
show you a level of grace you do not
understand.”

According to Ese Walters, repentant
adultress and misguided victim,
senior Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of
the Commonwealth Of Zion Assembly
must have been using these cringe
worthy lines to score with wide-eyed
members of his female congregation.
The most surprising part of this line
is that it actually works. His sweet
roll came to an end when she
published a tell all blog post
revealing the pastor’s many
s*xcapades. Pastor Fatoyinbo is yet
to deny Walters’ claims. And is yet to
give that robust response.
7) “We have stolen billions of dollars,
what did you do? We steal because
you never stoned us for it.”

Governor Rotimi Amechi of Rivers
state makes provocative statements
one after after another. His latest
one was dropped at a tribute event
for Nelson Mandela some weeks
back, and it was both an indictment
on himself as it was on his docile
followers.

8) “I was not a tribalist when I had a
long-standing and intimate
relationship with Miss Bianca Onoh,
an Igbo lady…”

Femi Fani Kayode, the former
aviation minister and presidential
spokesman, while he had so many
disastrous statements, he got more
than he bargained for when in
defending himself against tribalism
attacks, bizarrely claimed to have
had a sizzling relationship with
Bianca Ojukwu, widow of the late
Biafran warlord. He was forced to
recant when she threatened to sue
him for every penny.

9) “Any academic staff who fails to
resume on or before December 4,
2013 automatically ceases to be a
staff of the institution and vice
chancellors are also directed to
advertise vacancies in their
institutions.”

This was stated by Nyesom Wike,
the Education minister, in the middle
of the lingering ASUU strike. This
caused even more problems and
deepened the crisis. Wike’s press
conference during which he was
screaming at the microphone and
yelling threats became an instant
visual manual for government
officials on how not to act in public.

10) “I am the best rapper in Nigeria.

If
you have an opposing opinion, now is
the best time to keep it to yourself”
Rapper Yung6ix having his imagined
Kendrick Lamar moment. Dear
Yung6ix; make good music, put out
an album, put your name out there.
Maybe then we’ll take you seriously.